feeling sick stressed and lowly depressed

I am feeling really sick. I feel stressed so stressed that my body is reacting badly to it. I am going through something now that scares me to death to think of the consequences of that stress. I feel alone. I feel stressed. I feel ignored. I feel that life is really just hurting me to be here. I cannot change my feelings. I cannot change the actions of others. I feel that I am not loved, cared for or even wanted.

How is a person supposed to cope. How is the person supposed to endure all these hardships that exist. I believe so much in God. I believe that there is power in prayer.

I still feel that I am completely alone, and by myself.

Nothing seems to change. How can I exist every day in turmoil and pain. My mental and physical body cannot endure. I just want to sleep. I want it all to go away. I am afraid that I will continue to be like this for the rest of my life.

Always doing for others, always walking on eggshells, I cannot even smile right now it is too hard for me, the effort is too much.

This is not my doing, but it is happening to me not of my own accord, I feel like a puppet being manipulated to crash and fall to the ground and not get up. I feel that the strings will always be there to control my every movement. Who really am I? I have to always do what I am told never what I want to do. I always watch people act the fool and not pay the consequences truly for their actions. To get away with there deceptive and decietful behavior doing what is bad in God's eyes. Being unfaithful to their spouses, sneaking out and lying all the time to get a thrill.

How can anyone forgive or forget these horrid things. Especially when the continue behind your back and people are laughing at you. Or even talking about the crap in front of your face. I am ashamed that I love so much and get no love in return, I don't know who I am anyone to continue to endure the agony of it all. I wish he would care just a little and give me time, some of his time not just five minutes and walk away.

This happened before and I left. I just am tired of leaving and giving up every thing I have so he can continue to live the way he wants with no problems and no shame for his actions. It will surely happen again it always does because that is who he is. Someone who wants only what he wants for himself and give nothing to the one who has always been there for him.

I am sick at heart, I am hurt at heart so bad, that my body is physically giving out on me.

Tribulations continue

Today was a day, let me tell the stress abounded, I looked left and I looked right, I looked straight ahead and the stress surrounded me. It continues to do so. It is hard to breathe, the anxiety seems to be unbearable. There seems to be no relief in sight.

My husband got a dui 2nd one, we went to court today and it was extremely bad where they laid down the gauntlet on him. Hopefully, we can do something about it on the 14th of this month, and the court date is on the 2nd of December.

They say consequences are what you have to pay, and yes, you do have to pay the piper and I guess he does. NOT only does he but so does our household our vehicle and myself.

All because of sneaking out of the house to go to a bar, we a friend and doing who knows what behind my back.

I know Jehovah hates a divorcing. I know that I can win him without a word. But how much more is a body supposed to take or a human can deal with. I just don't know. My limit seems to be diminishing and I am so sad my life is this way. I feel miserable so miserable, I cannot even say. My heart hurts so much.

My physical condition is diminishing I am in constant pain and having female problems now and taking meds to help me cope.

Has he learned a lesson we will never know. I doubt it. How much more can I endure?