crushed

I am crushed, squeezed dry like a grape into a prune, till their is nothing left. Reprimanded, rebuked, stepped on, destroyed, made crazy, made insane. Lost within a tightness of the body and soul where there is no escape. No escape from the shunning and the humialiting of ohters. I am alone. I am alone in my own purgurtory, of jumbled nerves, of walking on eggshells, of actually being here but being invisible. I don't exist unless he tells me that I do. I am not alive unless he says I am. I feel dead inside. I cannot think except for his thinking in my head. I have to do and act the way he says or I am nothing. A slug has a better existence then I do, even possible an ant, as long it survives not the horrible death of being stepped on. Then even then they don't exist for long.

My body trembles, tears roll continuously down my face. I hold back my emotions due to the horrible effects that could happen to me if I allow them to surface.

The shunning, the incredible agonizing hell that I exist in.......I cannot escape the hell that I am put in upon the words coming out of his mouth to allow these people to hate me. This continues to exist beyond all my control. I am aware of the consequences if I do not submit. Irony, isn't it that the troubles he's in stems to me and I am the one to get hurt. Whether good girl or bad it doesn't matter, whether chameleon or saint I will still be abuse verbally and physically and emotionally there is no way out accept the one alternate that I honestly am considering in taking..........

what is worse than that alternative alot........