Sometimes I feel that my life is standing still, so still, that I cannot even move. I sense that I am in turmoil and that my life is leading nowhere. Why? I ask myself, this question? Shouldn't I know the answer to this question. Dumbfounded, that I am, I don't seem to really know the answer.
Sometimes, I sit and cry, wondering why the life I lead just isn't the one that I chose for myself. I had hopes and dreams once upon a time, but I lost perspective, I lost the idea of that dream. I know it is me, sometimes and it is you. That this seems to be a whirl wind of emotions that each drags one into the pit of darkness.
The darkness is how we cannot truly express ourselves to the other. The unrelenting agony is where we cannot truly express what we are feeling inside and out. The hurt is deep embedded, like stone that is etched in a mountain or in a deep crevice.
I don't know why I endure, the pain that continually does not escape me. I allow it to manuever me in ways that I cannot understand. I allow you to manuever me and handle me with fisticuffs and constant violent tendencies.
Who are you really to me, are you that important to me that I allow you to continue agonizing me till I cannot breathe. Till, I cannot see, Till I cannot hear?
Love is not this, what is love that you seek to devour every part of my humanness. When do you really notice me and respect me, when do you really spend time with me. When is it that your wrongs are where you own up to your actions and not make them futile. Or oblivious. When is it that you really truly show that you care for me just a little, or even more than yourself once in awhile. When Am I as important to you as you are to yourself?
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